I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
