I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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