I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize