what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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