i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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