dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
