i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
