I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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