What a fucking waste of an outfit
babies were throwing up all over the place
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
