Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
