No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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