Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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