margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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