I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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