I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
