My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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