Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
