So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
