I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
