I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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