Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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