I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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