if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
