Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
