Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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