my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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