i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
