Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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