I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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