babies were throwing up all over the place
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
