Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
a search helicopter?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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