Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
