My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
