somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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