weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
