Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
