At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
