Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
