I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
