His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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