i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
