I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
