I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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