she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
