I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
