Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
