What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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