I just threw up on my dentist
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
