I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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