So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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