I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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