well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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