she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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