worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
