You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
