The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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