Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
