Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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