Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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