I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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