I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
