hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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