Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize