Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
too bad you live with your parents still
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
