this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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