When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
