On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
