we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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