We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
