I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
