you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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