Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
