u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
