I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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