Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
