Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
