Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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