He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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