i think my tv is drunk
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
