weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
