My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
