You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
