just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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