Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize